The Difference is a Pause

the unsung hero of changing everything

I know, I’m making it sound too easy.

The overwhelmingly frustrating thing is that.. it is this simple.

Practicing the pause isn’t easy, easy is a different thing. But learning to pause is itself a simple concept.

A pause creates space. This is why we all yodel on about mindfulness and breathwork, and building self-awareness by noticing what’s happening (internally and externally).

In the beginning, the space will be small, because we are used to letting our minds run the show. Some of us believe we’ll never be able to control our attention, some of us have brains that make it tougher to control our attention, and some of us secretly don’t want to control our attention because we are running from what lies on the other side of stillness.

But if we want to shift ourselves from operating in waves of automation (routines so routine we can do them without thinking about it, including mental and emotional routines), the first step is the pause. The break in the wave, the skip in the record.

The moment between thought and action.
The moment between emotion and thought.
The moment between physical sensation and emotion.

The pause is the space between the subconscious and the conscious, the moment of illumination.

Try it right now.

Give yourself permission to not overthink it - try not to say to yourself, “Ugh, I already know,” try to switch off the guilt or shame or story that you can’t or you don’t need to or you don’t want to.

This next part is just for practicing observation, not to change behavior: Turn your attention to the muscles of your chest and belly. Are they tight or are they relaxed? Turn your attention to your breath. Does it feel constricted or expansive? What is your state of thoughts? Not the content of what you’re thinking about, but the actual state: hurried, dissociative, slow, engaged, foggy?

Now let’s introduce a change. Breathe low into the belly so that it expands fully before filling your chest while you count to 4. Hold it at the top (not like you’re going under water, but just a pause) for 4 seconds before releasing it, and on the release, pull your bellybutton back towards your spine and empty out the lower part of your lungs for a count of 5. Hold there, too, for 4 seconds before starting over. Do this three times.

Now start over. Turn your attention to the muscles of your chest and belly, to your breathing, and to the state of your thoughts: have any of these shifted, even if only slightly?

That is the magic of a pause.

Mindfulness isn’t about clearing the mind of all thoughts and it doesn’t have to be for a long period of time. Mindfulness is giving yourself permission to pause, for any amount of time, to become aware in your own body.

It gives us the chance for a quick tune up: if our thoughts are racing, we can slow them down. If our bodies are tense, we can relax them. If our feelings are high, we can soothe them. All of these small adjustments can make a lasting impact in whatever we do next, and the more often we do it, the easier it becomes.

The easier it becomes, the more easily we learn to be in control of our attention. And that is the key to unlocking everything.